Wherein our intrepid staff sacrifices taste buds for the benefit of our readers
With Cinco de Mayo fast approaching and symptoms of spring fever already here, your chances of encountering fiesta improvisada, or, as it’s better known in the U.S., the impromptu house party, are greatly increased.
Thankfully we’re here to help. Consider this a public service announcement: the mere presence of chips and salsa may be all it takes to prevent your fiesta from becoming a fiasco.
With that in mind and your best interests at heart, the Out & About staff labored through two days of salsa tasting to find the answer to the question: What’s the best store-bought salsa?
In a blind taste test, we sampled a dozen national brands—all of which you can find at Janssen’s Market and/or your local ShopRite—and scored each on qualities such as flavor, consistency and heat.
From the worst to the best, here’s how they ranked:
12) Tostitos Medium Chunky Salsa
In last place, Tostitos suffered mostly from being unforgivably bland. Yes, this is the Al Gore of salsas. One staff member found it to have a “mass-produced” taste, while another described it as “soggy and boring.” In one word: Nostitos.
11) Pace Original Picante Sauce
Take several paces past this sauce the next time you see it in stores. If Tostitos fared poorly by playing it safe, Pace seemed hell-bent on offending our taste buds. Three of the judges gave it the lowest score possible; two commented that it tasted “like cocktail sauce.”
10) Newman’s Own Medium Chunky Salsa
God bless Paul Newman. He was a talented actor and a wonderful humanitarian. We love that his products raise money for those in need. But when the tasting was over, we wondered if the next charity might be the kitchen that produced this salsa. One staff member called it “awful” while another went as far as to coin a new word: “vomitous.”
9) Xochitl Chipotle Salsa Mild
It’s true: Montezuma got his revenge. Still does. Every time someone buys a jar of this over-priced salsa with the exotic, unpronounceable name—although we researched it. Translated from an ancient Aztec dialect, Xochitl means “we just ripped you off, sucka.” Scored consistently low.
8) Old El Paso Medium Thick ‘n‘ Chunky Salsa
Like an old, drunken gunslinger who may have roamed the streets of El Paso way back when, this salsa was mostly hit or miss. Some enjoyed the sweet heat this veteran brand offered. Others felt it was “too pasty.” One judge simply said, “No.”
7) Herr’s Medium Chunky Salsa
The best thing about this salsa? It was the “best buy” of the budget salsas, outperforming several more expensive competitors. The worst thing? This back-handed compliment from one of our staffers: “I bet this is a tacky brand, but I like the balance between the sauce and chunks.”
6) Frontera Mild Salsa Mexicana
Coming in the top half of the rankings, Frontera’s big chipotle flavor pleased some and annoyed others. “Nice smoky flavor,” one staffer raved, while another said, “I feel like I just got punched in the face by the smoke monster from Lost.”
5) Jardines Medium Texasalsa
Who knows exactly what “Texasalsa” really is, but on the whole, it scored better than average. “Interesting, but lots going on here,” said one. “Smoky tasting, but not hot enough,” said another. A third judge found it “a bit sour.”
4) Field Day Organic Tomato Cilantro Salsa
Scoring just slightly better than Jardine’s, Field Day prides itself on using organic ingredients. Though several staffers enjoyed the cilantro flavor of the salsa, one of the organic ingredients that stuck out too much was water. “Watery,” one said. “Too watery. As thin as Gandhi.”
3) Green Mountain Gringo Medium Salsa
From the verdant hills of Vermont comes this top three finisher. A couple of judges disliked the apple-cider vinegar notes that came with each bite. Many more, however, gave big scores to this brand, commenting on its “zesty” and “robust” flavors and juicy chunks of tomatoes. You ask, “Gringo?” We say, “Bingo!”
2) Blue Smoke Sweet Onion Salsa
Hailing from West Virginia of all places, our silver-medal salsa is also noteworthy for its use of sweet onion as an ingredient. In our test, this brand held the additional distinction of having the widest range of scores, most of which were good. But no one quite figured out why the brand is called “Blue Smoke.” What exactly were they smoking when they thought of that? Maybe something the Gringo sent.
1) Desert Pepper Medium Tequila Salsa
For some it was the heat. For others it was the chunky bits of tomato. And a couple of judges noticed the subtle tequila bite. Whatever the case, at the end of the day, Desert Pepper Trading Co. ran away with the gold. Since the ‘80s, the company has operated near the intersecting borders of Texas, Mexico and New Mexico. Somehow it has managed to capture and distill those influences into a single jar. Nicely done, Desert Pepper!
